What For

>What.For

As I learn more words, 

I stress about forgetting them

And I lose more ground

But I finally stretch (myself further)

In ways ineffable and indescribable 

A part of me argues that whatever language languishes our conscious

Is the wrong one

I write better angry and disconnected

Because what I’m connected to loves to hide

And keep me in a game of ever-moving goal posts

Until  there’s nothing left but to spit out but

Thank you 

And swallow the rest

Give up becoming the best

Saying fuck all your tests

Am I a better student 

Than I was yesterday 

While I watch time circle and spiral 

//And eventually decay

When do we all get to play

in this playground made for all 

Sometimes even I don’t like what I say

BUT I LOVE THE OPTION TO SAY IT

I need that corner of space and time to collapse and reform 

Can you remember being born?

Because I do.

In. So. many. Ways. 

My back cracks and neck snaps 

As my physical body begs for me back 

And, here,  I need it 

So how, oh how, do I properly feed it

Blood flow and a winning show 

To demonstrate how to stay within confines 

But do it well, with style//

Oh but I’m more to the universe 

Than a well-polished smile

I walk through days with layered dimensions tugging at me 

Telling me this way and that way 

But how come I cant say 

All the fancy phrases and choreograph the perfect dances 

And what is wrong with me 

To ever think there is something wrong with me

And who knows what wrong even is 

All I know is there is more

There is more

There is more

But the game-makers are sore

Until they teach us to soar

I hate to use the word "war"

But if we’re here to decay-

I’d like to know what for