under

 Under

I want to understand

how long has it been

have I been under

anesthetized

but specifics scatter in wide directions;

more fabric for them to weave their nets from

How long have I written in code

how many words have I used to ask for escape

where to find it

my chest jumps as air thickens

their hopeful harness begging me to write in their language 

knowing mine will attract me

why is my wholeness guarded

as it claws its way back

we have been found

they pace around us

uncertain hunters

armed with tools from a master

designed to embolden the ones so tethered to touch

breaking a trance that spouts I'm not good enough

encouraging I linger on inaction

as my actions are driven by me 

my treasure has narrowed

they do not know how to not own something

I didn't either until they taught me 

a lesson I'll gladly return